November

It's been a while again...

Since there is nothing happening with our journey for baby #2 at this moment I feel like I shouldn't write anything. 
After the new year we will TALK about trying.. I have a lot of questions for my doctor and I
am not going to lie I am extremely scared. The shots and gaining weight suck but I can deal with that. It's what we went through after that.
Losing the weight is really hard though. Is it because I am 31 or is it the hormones I was injecting into my body?? Either way I hate being a chubbier version of myself. Some day this will be all worth it..

It's for real

We have been talking about it, wondering when is the right time to do it and I believe we have made our decision...
We are planning a trip to Disney!!!
I am so excited for many reasons. But most of all to see Kylee's reaction and her excitement will be priceless. I think she is at an age she will remember it and enjoy every second of it. 
We were waiting for the arrival of our 2nd child but we soon realized after miscarrying that we don't want to plan our life around "when" something is going to happen.  We need to live our lives with what we are lucky enough to have at this moment. If we are blessed with another child then we will just have to plan another Disney trip :)
We are planning on next Fall/Winter. We are talking to an agent about packages. We got a few prices and it really is not as expensive as I was expecting. We have decided we will drive down though. We will need a rental car and airfare is just so ridiculous. We will save quite a bit this way. Our trip to Disney as a kid was a road trip and it was so much fun seeing all of the different places.
So excited!!!

Ignored

I feel like this poor blog is being ignored. I wonder if we still have our #1
stalker. Sorry the updates are so few and far between.
Things are getting better. I am still not ready to even consider IVF again.
Wounds are still healing and Nick couldn't be anymore understanding. He
definitely gets it and I am so thankful for that.
We went on a date on Friday night and we actually talked about it without
me getting as emotional so I guess that is a step in the right direction.
I still have the ultrasound picture on my dresser. I am not quite to the point
of putting it away. I feel like if I put it away at this point I am shutting the
door on my feelings and I have to let myself heal before. I will get there.
We are lucky to have our Ky and she keeps us busy :)

October

I looove this time of year. We have been to the apple orchard, pumpkin farm and the cabin in the past month.  

Kylee is doing good in school. She is having a bully problem on the bus. The principle has gotten involved so hopefully she won't have anymore troubles.
Halloween is this weekend. I have Saturday off and I can't wait to sleep in... although because Kylee has newborn sleeping habits it's impossible to sleep past 5:30 or 6. :)
Sycamore has the Pumpkin Festival this weekend. So before trick or treating on Sunday we are going to the parade.
Can't wait to spend the weekend with my family!

Heartache

The last few days have been hard. I don't know why now, but this is tough.
Everywhere I look there are babies or pregnant women. I am so extrememly jealous and sad... The question I ask myslef  is, why us?? Why are we being punished? And then the million dollar question, why does shit like this happen to people that can give a baby the love and care he or she needs and there are these ahole people that pop them out like it's nothing and suck as parents.
I know someday it will get easier but right now it hurts...my heart just hurts.  

It has been a LONG 3 weeks since we got the positive test but the dreaded day we were waiting for after hearing we would miscarry has passed. I had no clue what to expect and to all the women that have gone through a miscarriage let alone multiple miscarriages my heart goes out to you.
Thank you to everyone for all of the love and support. All of you are truly amazing!!

hubby

I am not too much of an emotional guy.  This has been a tough couple weeks.  I haven't showed much emotion about any of it.  I think that I am trying to keep myself busy by doing softball or doing more at work than i need to at that moment or anything of that nature.  This is the primary reason why I didn't want to get too excited or too attached to this thing growing in Carli's tummy.  If you get too attached then this makes it way harder then it already is going to be. 

We made a mistake by telling more people then needed to know.  Now saying that I don't regret any of it, and everyone at least knows what we are involved with.  The questions to Carli have slowed to a snail's pace which makes it a lot easier for her to cope. 

I know that it didn't have a heart beat, and that it wasn't a "baby" yet, but it was on its way.  We were pregnant, and we did everything right, it just didn't keep developing at the rate it's supposed to.

I told Carli that I liken this to someone who is attempting to do the splits.  Every day that we stay on track and do our "stretches" we are that much closer to our goal of the splits (baby!)  Until then we are going to take some time off from baby stuff.  We are going to post as much as possible, but it will be a little more sporadic.

Corn Out!

Looking up

It has been a rough couple of days. Tuesday was awful, yesterday was better and today.. Well it's a new day.   
I think that the year and a half of negatives and heartache has helped me cope. I am terribly sad that this has happened but also very happy that IVF worked. I feel that is a huge step in our journey and it's not over yet.
I know it will happen for us and honestly have never felt more positive about it.

Sad, sad day

Today I am 6 weeks and had our 1st ultrasound. Although everything is where it should be sadly it is abnormal and I will end up miscarrying.
I stop all medication today and let my body naturally do what its supposed to do.
My levels are continuing to rise so I go back next Tuesday for more blood work to make sure they are dropping. If they are not dropping we will have to go the medical route to miscarry.
After a year and a half of this I am done. I am not sure how much more heartache I can take. The thought of doing this all over again makes me want to run away and never come back. So I am taking that as a hint to give myself a break, enjoy and be thankful for what we have and try not to dwell on what we don't.
Someday it will be us, it will be perfect and worth the wait.
Right now that thought seems impossible...

Hubby

When there are so many days in between appointments and news it's difficult to find things to write about.  Well it's not difficult to find things to write about but it is to write specifically about the pregnancy.  This has been a nice weekend because we have been able to keep our minds off of it for the most part.  Friday we went to the apple orchard right after I got home from work.  As we were driving back we realized that we had forgotten to give Carli her shot, so we rushed home to do that.  After we ate we went to Kylee's future HS to watch the homecoming game.  Needless to say I haven't been to a HS football game in over 10 years.  It was interesting.  Kylee got to watch the poms and cheerleaders for a while.

Saturday Carli worked most of the day, which I don't really like, but we don't have much of a choice being low on moola.  We ended up going to my brothers after she got done and had a really nice night there.  Kylee got to spend some time beating up Shannon, and Vanessa laughed so hard I thought she peed a little.  I got an atomic wedgie that ripped my underwear.  Good times.

Today Kylee has been sick, which is no good, but I think it's just because the weather changed so much in the last week.  From 80 degrees to 40 to 65 to 35.  It's been nuts.  We went to lunch with a bunch of people and that was a good time.  Can't beat $0.50 tacos @ MVP's. 

Tuesday is the big day.  We will know a lot more Tuesday.  However it seems like they every time we go they say, well this is what we know today, but we will know more by the next visit.  Then the next visit comes and they don't know any more, but keep saying next time!  It's been next time 4 times already damnit!  I just hope we know Tuesday like we were told before.  Her numbers are right in the good range, and lets hope we can see her sac with the ultrasound!

Corn out!

That didn't go so well

We met with the doctor today. Didn't go as well as we had expected.
She gave us 3 scenarios...

1. Everything is perfect
2. An ectopic pregnancy
3. Miscarriage

She said that my first level test was lower than she looks for and that concerns her. Although my levels have more than doubled every 2 days she still isn't convinced that this is a healthy pregnancy.
I go back tomorrow for another level check and an ultrasound on Tuesday.
Her words were harsh and it wasn't something that we wanted or expected to hear but it will help prepare us for whatever these results bring.

More good news!!!

9.23 Beta #1...17.6
9.27 Beta #2...111
9.29 Beta #3...292

Sooo great!!! My progesterone level is down a bit from last week but she doesn't seem to concerned at this point. Nick has been giving me progesterone shots since September 8 so if anything we might have to do 2 shots a day instead of 1. We shall see.
We meet with our Dr tomorrow for a post IVF consultation. We made the appointment after the retrieval and I can't wait to hear what she has to say.
When I found out I was pregnant with Kylee I never once thought about levels or how crucial the first few weeks are. But because they are monitoring me so closely and telling me everything that is going on I am sooo nervous. The Dr called me on Thursday and she told me my level was low but it was saying I am pregnant. She then told me that sometimes low levels indicate a un-healthy pregnancy that will ultimately end in miscarriage but that she has seen low numbers produce healthy pregnancy's and healthy baby's. So needless to say I am still really scared. It doesn't help that I am a worrier and stress more than I probably should but hey what can I say, I was blessed with that gene :)
I am still in shock that this is really happening. We have wanted this for so long and we are here. I am so thankful!!!

hubby

Still the shock has not really worn off.  The more people that congratulate you the more real it seems.  I'm shocked at just how many people are keeping an eye on the blog!  I'm really glad we did it.  Thank you to all of you for your support and for reading this.  It's great to know we have "readers" and "stalkers" (Kelly!)

Tomorrow is another appt.  Just another waiting game to see if the numbers are right!

Corn out!

OH HELL YES!! Hubby post

15 months of trying makes today really worth while. Today was a great day.  We had gotten like 5 positive pregnancy tests over the weekend, but to hear it from the Doc's office is an amazing feeling.  Other than the terrible canker sores today is surreal.  She does have to go back every couple of days to make sure her levels are where they should be.  If everything stays good then the question becomes.....Twins?

The weekend was a great one.  To be honest it's the first weekend we have had as a family where I think the weight was slightly lifted off our shoulders.  Everyone was in better moods, and things just seemed to go so well.  It felt like we didn't have anything to worry about for the first time in I can't remember how long.

It is also nice to know that both of our parts work the way those parts are supposed to.  We don't know if it was the boy parts or the girl parts that struggled and to be honest I think it's better that way.  All I know is that it's worked and things couldn't be better right now. 

Carli, I know you read this.....I love you so much!

Corn Out.......

The day I have been waiting for

$20.00 Co-Pay for each doctor appointment...
Re-arranged schedules...
Nick using sick days, personal days and vacation days...
6 & 7 am appointments in Highland Park...
Lots of tears..
All of these...

EQUALS THIS...

Although it is still extremely early and we need to be cautious the day we have been waiting for is finally here!!!



Today was the day

Was at the Dr at 9 to get my blood drawn. I had the phone call already planned out when they called me with the results at 3.
Went a little differently than I expected...Usually a nurse calls me and today the Dr actually called me at 1:45. She said well, I am thinking to myself how sucky it would be to have to deliver bad news like this. But surprised me with, It's not negative BUT my hcg level is low. Like really low. She said that she has seen pregnancies continue with low levels with no problem but we need to be prepared just in case it's low because something is wrong. She was concerned with the fact that the retrieval was over 2 weeks ago and the transfer was 11 days ago.
At the transfer she said that we were early blastocyst stage which means it had some more developing to do before our embryo implanted. So, Nick and I think MAYBE our embie implanted later and it's just too early.
So, I continue on my meds through the weekend and go back Monday morning for another check. I feel so good about this and bad news or good news this is a huge step in our journey. 
In the 16 months we have been trying we have NEVER had a positive. I could not feel any better about where this is going.
And I am the first to admit how wrong I was with knowing what the result was going to be...
Positive thoughts and fingers crossed this is it!!!

I hate this part

The last 16 months have been a roller coaster but the worst time of every month is the few days before "the test" and I know my body well enough to know what the result is going to be...
Staying positive those few days is absolutely impossible and I am exhausted from feeling this way.

The waiting game

My Uncle Frank was laid to rest today and I was at home. Feel terrible about not being there but my Dad of all people told me to stay home and get some rest. Was dressed and ready to go when he called me.
I had a hard time on Sunday. Like we have both said, everything has gone perfect up to the point of the transfer. The lab guy wasn't making any sense to me so I didn't think anything of it. Then the Dr came in. She said she was surprised/disappointed at the outcome of the eggs and for that reason we could transfer 2 instead of the 1 she was so adamant about.
I was crushed. Instantly started crying. Not what you want to hear on the day of something that seemed so promising.
The lab called us yesterday and said the other embryos didn't survived so we couldn't freeze anything. He did however say the 2 that were transferred were good and healthy. Made me feel a lot better.
So whats next?? 9 more days of waiting to find out if we are pregnant or not. That is a looong time to wait!
We have a follow up consult appointment with my Dr to go over everything a week after we find out. I hate that I even have to think that it's possible to get a negative. I have had my fill of negatives and honestly don't know how many more I can take...

Husband.....whatever is next

Whirlwind day today.  We got there, as confident as we have been about this whole process.  They ask Carli to get on her gown, and they have me put on some scrubs.

Fresh at 7:30 AM

Killer boots Man!!!

So I was all dressed and ready to go and Carli was all dressed and ready to go.  We were in pod 4 which was basically a modified storage area.  The Embyologist went to the three other pods and was telling all of them things like well we were able to retrieve 3 eggs and 2 of them were viable for transfer. Or 4 eggs and 1 viable.  Then they talked about how "well you're 42 years old so we will put as many viable blastocysts as possible in."

Then it's our turn.  We had 15 fertilized eggs so I'm expecting large numbers.  Well it was a bit of a wakeup call because of the 15, 3 were viable.  There were some that were close to what they were looking for but for the most part there were only 3 that stood out.  It's by no means a bad thing, it's just they were surprised at the lack of growth.  Who knows what it's from.  So that was totally the Debbie Downer of the whole morning. 

I just want to reiterate that there was nothing wrong with the fertilized eggs.  They were in the first stage of being a blastocyst.  They just wanted them to get a little bigger before they decided to put them in.

We were also disappointed because we were told to ask for a picture and they would be able to take one of the embryos.  Well that was broken.  I mean how do you not have a backup, or at least get the damn thing fixed.  It's such an important part of the process that I would think many many people would want to get it documented.  It really was neat too.  We got to see the fertilized eggs on a TV before they put them in.  They actually put two in too.  So there is a small possibility of twins. 

I love my wife so much and this is going to be a tough couple weeks for her.  So if you are reading this please don't be Sally Pester and ask all kinds of questions because it won't be easy to talk about.  If you have questions please ask me, and I will talk about it as much as I can.

I want to end with a pic that I know will make Carli very happy.

I love you!

 Corn Out!

Husband 5

Big day tomorrow.  Only one thing to do tomorrow, but it's a big thing.  Have to be to the Dr. in Highland Park at 7:15 in the morning, so we need to leave here by about 5:45 at the latest.  5:30 is a much better scenario though.  I took off Monday from work so that I could be with her all day.  Hopefully everything goes as planned.  Carli has to take her Valium, or whatever it is, at about 6:45 so that she can be nice and calm when she gets there and not the nervous wreck she would be if she just came in.  Hopefully it has the desired effect and keeps her in a relaxed state because tomorrow is it.

We are going to ask them to take a picture, but I will hopefully get to watch on a monitor when they actually take the fertilized egg and put it where it's supposed to go!  I'm hoping we can put two in, to really increase our chances, but the Dr. is probably going to recommend only one because she is a firm believer in no twins.  She has them and I think that's why.  But then again twins runs in both of our families.  My grandpa is a twin and so are Carli's aunts. I think it would be pretty awesome to have them, but that's just me.

On a sad note, we found out Thursday that Carli's uncle Frank passed away.  I was able to get to know Frank a little bit because when I was job searching a couple years ago, Joe asked me to paint his whole place.  It was an interesting time and Frank was an interesting guy.  I don't think he would have hurt a fly. 

RIP Frank Bero.

Corn out.

In just 3 words...

I waited patiently for the Dr to call yesterday. On Wednesday they called at 9:30 so I assumed Thursday would be the same. Umm no. They didn't call me until 4!!!
And the 3 words that made my day...DAY 5 TRANSFER!!!
Such great news! Not that Day 3 would have been bad but Day 5 means the quality of our embryos are really good.
So, we go in Sunday for the transfer. They will call tomorrow with the time and directions for medication.
Katie took Kylee for the weekend so we can get caught up on everything. THANK YOU!!!

Keep our fingers crossed

Yesterday was the retrieval. It went very good. I see Nick explained how it all went.
I am home today just resting. Feels good to take it easy and to be told to take it easy is even better!
The office called today and said that out of 20 eggs retrieved 16 were mature and 15 made it through the first day of fertilization. GREAT NEWS!!!!!!! We are tentatively set for a Day 5 transfer which is great. That is what we want. There is still a possibility we could have to go for a Day 3 transfer but lets hope and pray they make it through the next step. We will know for sure tomorrow.
Lets keep our fingers crossed that the rest of this continues to go as wonderful as it has gone to this point.
Oh and ps...I want the street name for what they used to put me under. All I remember is thinking 10 seconds after she gave the medicine to me was, this worked fast and I was out.
Woke up in the recovery room. AMAZING!!! 

Husband 4

What a four day weekend!  Four days, three Dr. appointments, two trips to Highland Park, one trip to Glenview, and a partridge in a pear tree......

Today was day four.  The second to last step on this hopeful destination.  The curtain rose at 6 AM in Highland Park and we were told 36 hours ago so we had to rush to get things set.  Between getting Kylee taken care of and sleeping at the in-laws there was a lot to take care of.  Andy to the rescue.  Sarah said she would take care of it but that would mean getting Kylee out of her routine and that was something that we didn't want to do.  Andy drove all the way back from Cleveland and got to Bob's place got in his car and drove all the way out here.  Talk about coming through in the clutch.  On the plus side we spent the whole day cleaning, and changing sheets and whatnot so the house was in good order.

Left the Bero compound at 4:56 AM and got to Highland Park at about 5:45.  Got taken into the back area where they had Carli put on her gown and stuff and I got to see her naked butt.  Always a good start to the day!  That's when they went over the medication schedule and all that jazz.  Shortly after at about 6:20 they took me back to take care of my business.  Earlier in the process they told us that they wished that guys would come in and do a sample to freeze in case they had trouble producing on the day off.  Well needless to say I was confident that wouldn't be a problem so I naturally told them no.  Well as they are leading me back to the room, I walk in to it and there is NO TV, NO DVD player.  Nothing but 3 playboys and 1 penthouse.  All of them are over 3 years old and in disgusting condition!  I naturally panicked!  Let me just tell you that it is one of the toughest things to do.  I was able to take care of business and was out of there at 6:28. 

At around 6:40 or so the Dr. came in.  I thought she was just a shadow because in all of the times I have gone with I have never heard or seen her once.  It was nice to actually meet the woman that could possibly help us conceive.  They took Carli back and about 15 minutes later the Dr. came back and said that everything had gone perfect.  Carli came 5 minutes later.  They laid her in the chair and she slept for a good 20 minutes.  After she woke up they came in and told us they had retrieved 20 eggs!  What a relief!

There are a couple things that I have learned during this process.  First and foremost, my wife is something incredible.  I love her more every moment of the day, and to have gone through this and not end up in the Elgin Mental Health Center is something amazing.  Second is that Kylee will be an incredible big sister when she is finally given that opportunity.  She has been so good throughout the whole process.  She is always ready to help with the alcohol prep, or holding the paper towel if the shots gave out a little bit of blood.  I can't wait to see how awesome she is going to be as a big sister.

More to come in a couple days.  Tomorrow we will find out how the cultures are growing and what day we can expect to come in for the transfer.  Hopefully it will be 5 days meaning that everything has gone as planned!

Night before

Tomorrow is the big day. I am getting a little nervous. Maybe it is because I have never had to be put under before. I just don't know what to expect. The whole process will only take about 20 minutes so that is good.
Kylee will be in good hands, Uncle Andy is staying over here and getting her up and on the bus. Thank you so much Brother!!
We will be staying at my parents tonight. It will save us a half hour tomorrow morning. Not sure how traffic will be at 5 am. On Sunday we got there in just about an hour..
I will check back in tomorrow or Wednesday. Wish me luck...

We made it

I have been to the Dr 5 days in the past week. 4 of those in a row. Very tiring... 830 am in Glenview Saturday and today was 7 am in Highland Park. We are all so exhausted and Kylee is our little trooper.
We got good news today...RETRIEVAL IS SET for 6 am Tuesday morning in Highland Park. Holy early!!! Nick took the day off so it couldn't have worked out better. Now we have to figure out who we can have be at our house by 430 am when we have to leave to get Kylee up and on the bus. 2 options, my Mom stays overnight here and we stay at her house and Sarah has offered to take Kylee overnight tomorrow night and will get her ready for school and drop her off. Either one is asking a lot of somebody and is incredible that Sarah has offered something that could be quite a difficult task with a 4 month old. 
I need to close my eyes for a few minutes. I am sleepy!!

Keeps getting better

I have been to the doctor 3 times this week. Each time the news is even better than the day before.
Every nurse that I have seen or talked to said that everything is going great. I went in Tuesday, Thursday and then back today. The results yesterday were so good that I was told to stop taking one shot. The nurse said my ovaries are "rockstars". I can't even begin to tell you how great that makes me feel.
Shots are still going well. Kylee helped Nick the other day give me one and last night she said she is sorry it hurts and thank you for doing this for her. I would love to get in her little mind and see what she thinks about all of this.

All 3 shots.
 Left is the Lupron, Middle is Gonal F (FSH Shot), and the one on the right, Menopur (FSH shot, this one burns)

This weekend is Labor Day. We will not be going to the Cabin. I will probably have an appointment tomorrow in Glenview for another ultrasound and blood work.

I am so very excited for all of this and it's happening so fast...

Husband three

So it's been four days of the big three.  How good of a feeling to almost be done with it!  Today we got some incredible news that Car has 25 eggs that are growing the way they are supposed to.  15 on one side and 10 on the other.  What a RELIEF!!!  I knew it was going to happen the way they wanted it to, but it was like me losing my job.  I was confident and confident that they were going to hire me back but the closer it got to the layoff date, the more nervous I got.  Luckily like my job, this worked out similar in that we got exactly the result they are looking for.  The nurse was even surprised at the amount with how low of a dose she is taking on all the medication.  I can't imagine how big of a box it would be shipped in if there was triple the amount of medication.

Work has been nuts and I'm hoping that it won't be too long until I am able to slow down with all of the little things like adjusting the desk heights and stuff.  It's good to be busy, but I am also just super tired when I get home.  Luckily I have been able to give Carli the majority of her shots so it has been like an experience that has definitely brought us closer together.  I have also gotten pretty good at giving shots, at least I think so.  You'd have to ignore the HUGE bruises on Carli's stomach, but she also bruises easy.  That is all for now.

Corn Out......

Monitoring...Day 2

Today was a good day. I feel good, and got really good news...
I have been on the FSH, (follicle stimulating hormone), shots since Friday night.
I went in today to check if I had eggs growing and if so how many. We got 25!!!!
15 on the right, 10 on the left. She said they look really good and it's possible to
get more. My blood work came back good so I have 2 more nights of shots and
I go back on Thursday for another ultrasound and blood work.
Good, good day!!! :)

Day...I think I lost track

Sunday night. Just got home from my parents from a wonderful day of swimming. Weather was great!!
I am on day 3 of all 3 shots and let me tell you, it is no fun. One of the new shots burns as it's being injected and the other is leaving huge bruises all over my stomach.
I am feeling ok. I had a terrible migraine last night and tonight I am really nauseous. All normal side effects.
We are getting closer to the 2 big days. I haven't thought much about them surprisingly. Right now we are focused on these shots and mixing and timing.
My husband has been amazing. Not only is he a trooper and does every shot but he is putting up with my erratic behavior. Crabby as hell one minute and crying the next. I was told this was going to be a bumpy road but I just never imagined this...
Kylee, precious Kylee. Poor thing is going through as much as we are. She is very curious what we are doing and she wants to be a part of it every night. She rubs my back and tells me it will be ok. She puts the paper towel on my stomach after each shot is given. She even has pushed the medicine in a few times. She doesn't understand the whole thing but she does know mommy is doing this so she can have a baby brother or a baby sister.
I will eventually post pictures of the assembly line of shots one of these days. I just seem to always remember after the shots are done and everything is put away. I wonder if forgetfulness is a side effect ;)...

Monitoring Day 1

August 25th was a big day in our house...
Kylee's first day of 2nd grade, WOO HOO!!!
Also, my first day of monitoring through ultrasound and blood work..
What are they looking for??? That was my question. I guess with the birth control pill and the Lupron I am on it is supposed to suppress the ovaries and the blood work needs to be within a certain range. So, my ovaries are suppressed and my blood work is withing normal range so Friday starts the, Follicle Stimulating Hormone shots. 2 more shots to add to the 1 I am already on. The shots will help in the production of many eggs to be removed.
To be continued...

Now it's working

So, I have been on these shots for 6 days and the pill for 3 weeks. I have noticed little changes but nothing extreme.
Well a wave of emotions hit me today. I want to scream one second, cry the next.
I just want to crawl in my bed and stay there...
My pants are getting tighter and that is super tough for me.
This will all be worth it in the end but right now it is hard.
BUT...I got through the day. Although I cried for no reason about a dozen times.
I went to dinner with Kylee, my Mom & Dad. I felt better almost as soon as I sat down.

husband number 2

Today I was nervous.  I have offered to give her the shots but up till today I haven't done one.  I basically take a sharp object and stab my wife.  I know that the needle is only an inch long, but you're sticking something sharp into the person that I have sworn to never hurt in any way.  It's really difficult to describe because you just think in your head, oh well it's just an in/out kinda deal. 

Today I manned up.  I was able to put my fears aside and give Carli a shot tonight.  It's fairly easy for me to hide things and apparently my nerves didn't show.  It was a very fast thing and it was taken care of in a matter of 25 seconds.  She did say it went well and she barely felt it.  I definitely will not have a problem with it again if need be.

Kylee seems to be doing better with a lot of things.  We get along great.  She still has moments of not listening, but she is 7 and that's sort of to be expected.  She has seen Carli get several of her shots, and although it probable doesn't compute what is going on, she seems okay with it. 

I also learned that Carli's dad brought up the question of "what if it doesn't work?  What's next?"  My insurance provides us with 4 IVF's so if this doesn't work then we do have 3 more available.  It's hard to understand exactly what this is doing to Carli, but I don't want to put her through anything that she doesn't need to go through.  We will see what happens soon and hopefully we don't have to worry about this question again.

Stay tuned.......

Thoughts...

We had a great weekend up at the cabin with my Mom & Dad and Jason and his family. Ky and I went up on Thursday with my Mom and everyone else came Friday. Kylee starts school next week so it was a nice getaway.
Shots are going. My Mom was able to give them to me which was awesome. She makes it look so easy, like she is a nurse or something ;)
My Dad asked me last night what we would do if this didn't work and it got me thinking, A LOT!!
What if it doesn't?? When is enough, enough. When are we trying too hard??
Although I feel really good about this and I am super positive I still have to be realistic. There is that chance...I have to prepare for let down if there is going to be any. I am not sure how much more of that I can handle and that is what makes me wonder.
We are so extremely blessed and thankful for our 7 year old princess...

Shot Day 1

My nerves were shot, I was a nervous wreck and completely on edge...

But with Nick by my side I took a deep breath and gave myself the 1st shot.
I was up all night thinking about what all of this might give us and it's so surreal...

Husband Post number one

Big day today.  Day number one of the big medication.  Leupron or Leuprolide.  This is the start of it all.  It's the toughest process but it comes with the best opportunity for success.  It can also make or break you as a person.  My wife is by far the strongest person I know for what she has gone through.  I don't know how anyone can do it.  To have such high hopes and to have them not realized month after month with no reasonable explanation.  We are both healthy.  Beyond healthy to be honest and yet we couldn't do it the way it was intended to be done.  That doesn't make us less man or woman, it just didn't happen.  The hardest part about it is that there isn't an explanation for it.  I want nothing less than to give my family what they want and what they deserve.  My wife wants a baby as bad as anything and it's just not happening for whatever reason.  Hopefully this is the answer we have been searching for with the results we so deeply desire.

We are truely blessed with everything that we have in our lives.  We have eachother.  We have an amazing daughter. We have insurance.  We have a means to earn money.  We have shelter, food, etc.  We just are missing that one elusive thing and thats a baby.  It will come, and hopefully with this process.  I love my wife and will do anything to make this happen.  Like I said before, today was a big day.  Day one of the process and the start of something wonderful!

Oh boy....

I am so overwhelmed right now...
I received my medicine today and this is all of a sudden real.
I am nervous and so scared...

Day 12

Well we met with our nurse at the Highland Park IVF center. It only took about an hour form Elgin so it will be about an hour and a half for us on the 2 "big" days. We can do all of my monitoring at the Hoffman Estates office which is really nice.
Our timeline is intense but will be well worth it in the end. I started the pill last week and let me just say I am having a really hard time remembering to take it. I had to set an alarm on my phone to remind me...
Tuesday the 17th starts our first round of injections. Lupron,which is used to help prevent me from ovulation, is the name of the medicine. I have to give myself a 1 shot a day between 6 and 10 pm in my abdomen.
August 25th is my next Dr's appointment and they will do blood work and ultrasound then on the 27th is when the intensity of this is going to hit. Along with Lupron once a day I will have to give myself to other shots, Gonal F and Menopur which will help my body produce eggs, lots of them and hopefully good ones.
I will be on those 3 shots once a day between 6-10pm for about 12 days. It all depends on how my body reacts to the stimulation. I will be at my Dr every 1-3 days for monitoring. The egg retrieval will most likely be the week of September 6th.
We were overwhelmed after the appointment and I am scared to death that I am going to mess something up and mix it wrong, do it wrong etc...But everything will work out!!
We had a very relaxing, great weekend at the cabin and today is our 1 year anniversary. Enjoying the day with my family and staying as stress free as I possibly can...

Our quest for baby number 2

We are in our 15 month of trying to conceive. We started going to the infertility office in January. Both of us have been tested for absolutely everything under the sun. The diagnosis...nothing is wrong with either one of us.
As some of you know I had problems getting pregnant with Kylee so we know the problem lies with me its just nothing that can be diagnosed. We are relieved nothing is wrong but very frustrated to still not be pregnant.
The infertility process is an emotional roller coaster. I know, "it will happen when it's supposed to",  but that only goes so far. Some days are harder than others but with the support from my incredible husband and family I have gotten through 15 months of it. Lots of tears and wondering what I did wrong but we are not giving up until we are holding our baby in our arms.
We decided to start this blog when our Dr recommend we do ivf...invitro.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invitro_fertilization
Today is Day 5 of my cycle and I start my first round of meds tonight. 
Nick and I will update as this process continues...