October

I looove this time of year. We have been to the apple orchard, pumpkin farm and the cabin in the past month.  

Kylee is doing good in school. She is having a bully problem on the bus. The principle has gotten involved so hopefully she won't have anymore troubles.
Halloween is this weekend. I have Saturday off and I can't wait to sleep in... although because Kylee has newborn sleeping habits it's impossible to sleep past 5:30 or 6. :)
Sycamore has the Pumpkin Festival this weekend. So before trick or treating on Sunday we are going to the parade.
Can't wait to spend the weekend with my family!

Heartache

The last few days have been hard. I don't know why now, but this is tough.
Everywhere I look there are babies or pregnant women. I am so extrememly jealous and sad... The question I ask myslef  is, why us?? Why are we being punished? And then the million dollar question, why does shit like this happen to people that can give a baby the love and care he or she needs and there are these ahole people that pop them out like it's nothing and suck as parents.
I know someday it will get easier but right now it hurts...my heart just hurts.  

It has been a LONG 3 weeks since we got the positive test but the dreaded day we were waiting for after hearing we would miscarry has passed. I had no clue what to expect and to all the women that have gone through a miscarriage let alone multiple miscarriages my heart goes out to you.
Thank you to everyone for all of the love and support. All of you are truly amazing!!

hubby

I am not too much of an emotional guy.  This has been a tough couple weeks.  I haven't showed much emotion about any of it.  I think that I am trying to keep myself busy by doing softball or doing more at work than i need to at that moment or anything of that nature.  This is the primary reason why I didn't want to get too excited or too attached to this thing growing in Carli's tummy.  If you get too attached then this makes it way harder then it already is going to be. 

We made a mistake by telling more people then needed to know.  Now saying that I don't regret any of it, and everyone at least knows what we are involved with.  The questions to Carli have slowed to a snail's pace which makes it a lot easier for her to cope. 

I know that it didn't have a heart beat, and that it wasn't a "baby" yet, but it was on its way.  We were pregnant, and we did everything right, it just didn't keep developing at the rate it's supposed to.

I told Carli that I liken this to someone who is attempting to do the splits.  Every day that we stay on track and do our "stretches" we are that much closer to our goal of the splits (baby!)  Until then we are going to take some time off from baby stuff.  We are going to post as much as possible, but it will be a little more sporadic.

Corn Out!

Looking up

It has been a rough couple of days. Tuesday was awful, yesterday was better and today.. Well it's a new day.   
I think that the year and a half of negatives and heartache has helped me cope. I am terribly sad that this has happened but also very happy that IVF worked. I feel that is a huge step in our journey and it's not over yet.
I know it will happen for us and honestly have never felt more positive about it.

Sad, sad day

Today I am 6 weeks and had our 1st ultrasound. Although everything is where it should be sadly it is abnormal and I will end up miscarrying.
I stop all medication today and let my body naturally do what its supposed to do.
My levels are continuing to rise so I go back next Tuesday for more blood work to make sure they are dropping. If they are not dropping we will have to go the medical route to miscarry.
After a year and a half of this I am done. I am not sure how much more heartache I can take. The thought of doing this all over again makes me want to run away and never come back. So I am taking that as a hint to give myself a break, enjoy and be thankful for what we have and try not to dwell on what we don't.
Someday it will be us, it will be perfect and worth the wait.
Right now that thought seems impossible...

Hubby

When there are so many days in between appointments and news it's difficult to find things to write about.  Well it's not difficult to find things to write about but it is to write specifically about the pregnancy.  This has been a nice weekend because we have been able to keep our minds off of it for the most part.  Friday we went to the apple orchard right after I got home from work.  As we were driving back we realized that we had forgotten to give Carli her shot, so we rushed home to do that.  After we ate we went to Kylee's future HS to watch the homecoming game.  Needless to say I haven't been to a HS football game in over 10 years.  It was interesting.  Kylee got to watch the poms and cheerleaders for a while.

Saturday Carli worked most of the day, which I don't really like, but we don't have much of a choice being low on moola.  We ended up going to my brothers after she got done and had a really nice night there.  Kylee got to spend some time beating up Shannon, and Vanessa laughed so hard I thought she peed a little.  I got an atomic wedgie that ripped my underwear.  Good times.

Today Kylee has been sick, which is no good, but I think it's just because the weather changed so much in the last week.  From 80 degrees to 40 to 65 to 35.  It's been nuts.  We went to lunch with a bunch of people and that was a good time.  Can't beat $0.50 tacos @ MVP's. 

Tuesday is the big day.  We will know a lot more Tuesday.  However it seems like they every time we go they say, well this is what we know today, but we will know more by the next visit.  Then the next visit comes and they don't know any more, but keep saying next time!  It's been next time 4 times already damnit!  I just hope we know Tuesday like we were told before.  Her numbers are right in the good range, and lets hope we can see her sac with the ultrasound!

Corn out!