That didn't go so well

We met with the doctor today. Didn't go as well as we had expected.
She gave us 3 scenarios...

1. Everything is perfect
2. An ectopic pregnancy
3. Miscarriage

She said that my first level test was lower than she looks for and that concerns her. Although my levels have more than doubled every 2 days she still isn't convinced that this is a healthy pregnancy.
I go back tomorrow for another level check and an ultrasound on Tuesday.
Her words were harsh and it wasn't something that we wanted or expected to hear but it will help prepare us for whatever these results bring.

More good news!!!

9.23 Beta #1...17.6
9.27 Beta #2...111
9.29 Beta #3...292

Sooo great!!! My progesterone level is down a bit from last week but she doesn't seem to concerned at this point. Nick has been giving me progesterone shots since September 8 so if anything we might have to do 2 shots a day instead of 1. We shall see.
We meet with our Dr tomorrow for a post IVF consultation. We made the appointment after the retrieval and I can't wait to hear what she has to say.
When I found out I was pregnant with Kylee I never once thought about levels or how crucial the first few weeks are. But because they are monitoring me so closely and telling me everything that is going on I am sooo nervous. The Dr called me on Thursday and she told me my level was low but it was saying I am pregnant. She then told me that sometimes low levels indicate a un-healthy pregnancy that will ultimately end in miscarriage but that she has seen low numbers produce healthy pregnancy's and healthy baby's. So needless to say I am still really scared. It doesn't help that I am a worrier and stress more than I probably should but hey what can I say, I was blessed with that gene :)
I am still in shock that this is really happening. We have wanted this for so long and we are here. I am so thankful!!!

hubby

Still the shock has not really worn off.  The more people that congratulate you the more real it seems.  I'm shocked at just how many people are keeping an eye on the blog!  I'm really glad we did it.  Thank you to all of you for your support and for reading this.  It's great to know we have "readers" and "stalkers" (Kelly!)

Tomorrow is another appt.  Just another waiting game to see if the numbers are right!

Corn out!

OH HELL YES!! Hubby post

15 months of trying makes today really worth while. Today was a great day.  We had gotten like 5 positive pregnancy tests over the weekend, but to hear it from the Doc's office is an amazing feeling.  Other than the terrible canker sores today is surreal.  She does have to go back every couple of days to make sure her levels are where they should be.  If everything stays good then the question becomes.....Twins?

The weekend was a great one.  To be honest it's the first weekend we have had as a family where I think the weight was slightly lifted off our shoulders.  Everyone was in better moods, and things just seemed to go so well.  It felt like we didn't have anything to worry about for the first time in I can't remember how long.

It is also nice to know that both of our parts work the way those parts are supposed to.  We don't know if it was the boy parts or the girl parts that struggled and to be honest I think it's better that way.  All I know is that it's worked and things couldn't be better right now. 

Carli, I know you read this.....I love you so much!

Corn Out.......

The day I have been waiting for

$20.00 Co-Pay for each doctor appointment...
Re-arranged schedules...
Nick using sick days, personal days and vacation days...
6 & 7 am appointments in Highland Park...
Lots of tears..
All of these...

EQUALS THIS...

Although it is still extremely early and we need to be cautious the day we have been waiting for is finally here!!!



Today was the day

Was at the Dr at 9 to get my blood drawn. I had the phone call already planned out when they called me with the results at 3.
Went a little differently than I expected...Usually a nurse calls me and today the Dr actually called me at 1:45. She said well, I am thinking to myself how sucky it would be to have to deliver bad news like this. But surprised me with, It's not negative BUT my hcg level is low. Like really low. She said that she has seen pregnancies continue with low levels with no problem but we need to be prepared just in case it's low because something is wrong. She was concerned with the fact that the retrieval was over 2 weeks ago and the transfer was 11 days ago.
At the transfer she said that we were early blastocyst stage which means it had some more developing to do before our embryo implanted. So, Nick and I think MAYBE our embie implanted later and it's just too early.
So, I continue on my meds through the weekend and go back Monday morning for another check. I feel so good about this and bad news or good news this is a huge step in our journey. 
In the 16 months we have been trying we have NEVER had a positive. I could not feel any better about where this is going.
And I am the first to admit how wrong I was with knowing what the result was going to be...
Positive thoughts and fingers crossed this is it!!!

I hate this part

The last 16 months have been a roller coaster but the worst time of every month is the few days before "the test" and I know my body well enough to know what the result is going to be...
Staying positive those few days is absolutely impossible and I am exhausted from feeling this way.

The waiting game

My Uncle Frank was laid to rest today and I was at home. Feel terrible about not being there but my Dad of all people told me to stay home and get some rest. Was dressed and ready to go when he called me.
I had a hard time on Sunday. Like we have both said, everything has gone perfect up to the point of the transfer. The lab guy wasn't making any sense to me so I didn't think anything of it. Then the Dr came in. She said she was surprised/disappointed at the outcome of the eggs and for that reason we could transfer 2 instead of the 1 she was so adamant about.
I was crushed. Instantly started crying. Not what you want to hear on the day of something that seemed so promising.
The lab called us yesterday and said the other embryos didn't survived so we couldn't freeze anything. He did however say the 2 that were transferred were good and healthy. Made me feel a lot better.
So whats next?? 9 more days of waiting to find out if we are pregnant or not. That is a looong time to wait!
We have a follow up consult appointment with my Dr to go over everything a week after we find out. I hate that I even have to think that it's possible to get a negative. I have had my fill of negatives and honestly don't know how many more I can take...

Husband.....whatever is next

Whirlwind day today.  We got there, as confident as we have been about this whole process.  They ask Carli to get on her gown, and they have me put on some scrubs.

Fresh at 7:30 AM

Killer boots Man!!!

So I was all dressed and ready to go and Carli was all dressed and ready to go.  We were in pod 4 which was basically a modified storage area.  The Embyologist went to the three other pods and was telling all of them things like well we were able to retrieve 3 eggs and 2 of them were viable for transfer. Or 4 eggs and 1 viable.  Then they talked about how "well you're 42 years old so we will put as many viable blastocysts as possible in."

Then it's our turn.  We had 15 fertilized eggs so I'm expecting large numbers.  Well it was a bit of a wakeup call because of the 15, 3 were viable.  There were some that were close to what they were looking for but for the most part there were only 3 that stood out.  It's by no means a bad thing, it's just they were surprised at the lack of growth.  Who knows what it's from.  So that was totally the Debbie Downer of the whole morning. 

I just want to reiterate that there was nothing wrong with the fertilized eggs.  They were in the first stage of being a blastocyst.  They just wanted them to get a little bigger before they decided to put them in.

We were also disappointed because we were told to ask for a picture and they would be able to take one of the embryos.  Well that was broken.  I mean how do you not have a backup, or at least get the damn thing fixed.  It's such an important part of the process that I would think many many people would want to get it documented.  It really was neat too.  We got to see the fertilized eggs on a TV before they put them in.  They actually put two in too.  So there is a small possibility of twins. 

I love my wife so much and this is going to be a tough couple weeks for her.  So if you are reading this please don't be Sally Pester and ask all kinds of questions because it won't be easy to talk about.  If you have questions please ask me, and I will talk about it as much as I can.

I want to end with a pic that I know will make Carli very happy.

I love you!

 Corn Out!

Husband 5

Big day tomorrow.  Only one thing to do tomorrow, but it's a big thing.  Have to be to the Dr. in Highland Park at 7:15 in the morning, so we need to leave here by about 5:45 at the latest.  5:30 is a much better scenario though.  I took off Monday from work so that I could be with her all day.  Hopefully everything goes as planned.  Carli has to take her Valium, or whatever it is, at about 6:45 so that she can be nice and calm when she gets there and not the nervous wreck she would be if she just came in.  Hopefully it has the desired effect and keeps her in a relaxed state because tomorrow is it.

We are going to ask them to take a picture, but I will hopefully get to watch on a monitor when they actually take the fertilized egg and put it where it's supposed to go!  I'm hoping we can put two in, to really increase our chances, but the Dr. is probably going to recommend only one because she is a firm believer in no twins.  She has them and I think that's why.  But then again twins runs in both of our families.  My grandpa is a twin and so are Carli's aunts. I think it would be pretty awesome to have them, but that's just me.

On a sad note, we found out Thursday that Carli's uncle Frank passed away.  I was able to get to know Frank a little bit because when I was job searching a couple years ago, Joe asked me to paint his whole place.  It was an interesting time and Frank was an interesting guy.  I don't think he would have hurt a fly. 

RIP Frank Bero.

Corn out.

In just 3 words...

I waited patiently for the Dr to call yesterday. On Wednesday they called at 9:30 so I assumed Thursday would be the same. Umm no. They didn't call me until 4!!!
And the 3 words that made my day...DAY 5 TRANSFER!!!
Such great news! Not that Day 3 would have been bad but Day 5 means the quality of our embryos are really good.
So, we go in Sunday for the transfer. They will call tomorrow with the time and directions for medication.
Katie took Kylee for the weekend so we can get caught up on everything. THANK YOU!!!

Keep our fingers crossed

Yesterday was the retrieval. It went very good. I see Nick explained how it all went.
I am home today just resting. Feels good to take it easy and to be told to take it easy is even better!
The office called today and said that out of 20 eggs retrieved 16 were mature and 15 made it through the first day of fertilization. GREAT NEWS!!!!!!! We are tentatively set for a Day 5 transfer which is great. That is what we want. There is still a possibility we could have to go for a Day 3 transfer but lets hope and pray they make it through the next step. We will know for sure tomorrow.
Lets keep our fingers crossed that the rest of this continues to go as wonderful as it has gone to this point.
Oh and ps...I want the street name for what they used to put me under. All I remember is thinking 10 seconds after she gave the medicine to me was, this worked fast and I was out.
Woke up in the recovery room. AMAZING!!! 

Husband 4

What a four day weekend!  Four days, three Dr. appointments, two trips to Highland Park, one trip to Glenview, and a partridge in a pear tree......

Today was day four.  The second to last step on this hopeful destination.  The curtain rose at 6 AM in Highland Park and we were told 36 hours ago so we had to rush to get things set.  Between getting Kylee taken care of and sleeping at the in-laws there was a lot to take care of.  Andy to the rescue.  Sarah said she would take care of it but that would mean getting Kylee out of her routine and that was something that we didn't want to do.  Andy drove all the way back from Cleveland and got to Bob's place got in his car and drove all the way out here.  Talk about coming through in the clutch.  On the plus side we spent the whole day cleaning, and changing sheets and whatnot so the house was in good order.

Left the Bero compound at 4:56 AM and got to Highland Park at about 5:45.  Got taken into the back area where they had Carli put on her gown and stuff and I got to see her naked butt.  Always a good start to the day!  That's when they went over the medication schedule and all that jazz.  Shortly after at about 6:20 they took me back to take care of my business.  Earlier in the process they told us that they wished that guys would come in and do a sample to freeze in case they had trouble producing on the day off.  Well needless to say I was confident that wouldn't be a problem so I naturally told them no.  Well as they are leading me back to the room, I walk in to it and there is NO TV, NO DVD player.  Nothing but 3 playboys and 1 penthouse.  All of them are over 3 years old and in disgusting condition!  I naturally panicked!  Let me just tell you that it is one of the toughest things to do.  I was able to take care of business and was out of there at 6:28. 

At around 6:40 or so the Dr. came in.  I thought she was just a shadow because in all of the times I have gone with I have never heard or seen her once.  It was nice to actually meet the woman that could possibly help us conceive.  They took Carli back and about 15 minutes later the Dr. came back and said that everything had gone perfect.  Carli came 5 minutes later.  They laid her in the chair and she slept for a good 20 minutes.  After she woke up they came in and told us they had retrieved 20 eggs!  What a relief!

There are a couple things that I have learned during this process.  First and foremost, my wife is something incredible.  I love her more every moment of the day, and to have gone through this and not end up in the Elgin Mental Health Center is something amazing.  Second is that Kylee will be an incredible big sister when she is finally given that opportunity.  She has been so good throughout the whole process.  She is always ready to help with the alcohol prep, or holding the paper towel if the shots gave out a little bit of blood.  I can't wait to see how awesome she is going to be as a big sister.

More to come in a couple days.  Tomorrow we will find out how the cultures are growing and what day we can expect to come in for the transfer.  Hopefully it will be 5 days meaning that everything has gone as planned!

Night before

Tomorrow is the big day. I am getting a little nervous. Maybe it is because I have never had to be put under before. I just don't know what to expect. The whole process will only take about 20 minutes so that is good.
Kylee will be in good hands, Uncle Andy is staying over here and getting her up and on the bus. Thank you so much Brother!!
We will be staying at my parents tonight. It will save us a half hour tomorrow morning. Not sure how traffic will be at 5 am. On Sunday we got there in just about an hour..
I will check back in tomorrow or Wednesday. Wish me luck...

We made it

I have been to the Dr 5 days in the past week. 4 of those in a row. Very tiring... 830 am in Glenview Saturday and today was 7 am in Highland Park. We are all so exhausted and Kylee is our little trooper.
We got good news today...RETRIEVAL IS SET for 6 am Tuesday morning in Highland Park. Holy early!!! Nick took the day off so it couldn't have worked out better. Now we have to figure out who we can have be at our house by 430 am when we have to leave to get Kylee up and on the bus. 2 options, my Mom stays overnight here and we stay at her house and Sarah has offered to take Kylee overnight tomorrow night and will get her ready for school and drop her off. Either one is asking a lot of somebody and is incredible that Sarah has offered something that could be quite a difficult task with a 4 month old. 
I need to close my eyes for a few minutes. I am sleepy!!

Keeps getting better

I have been to the doctor 3 times this week. Each time the news is even better than the day before.
Every nurse that I have seen or talked to said that everything is going great. I went in Tuesday, Thursday and then back today. The results yesterday were so good that I was told to stop taking one shot. The nurse said my ovaries are "rockstars". I can't even begin to tell you how great that makes me feel.
Shots are still going well. Kylee helped Nick the other day give me one and last night she said she is sorry it hurts and thank you for doing this for her. I would love to get in her little mind and see what she thinks about all of this.

All 3 shots.
 Left is the Lupron, Middle is Gonal F (FSH Shot), and the one on the right, Menopur (FSH shot, this one burns)

This weekend is Labor Day. We will not be going to the Cabin. I will probably have an appointment tomorrow in Glenview for another ultrasound and blood work.

I am so very excited for all of this and it's happening so fast...